Before I say anything else, I absolutely must note that I was semi almost kinda sorta involved with this episode. I can only give so much info, but I broke most of it down here. And if we ever happen to meet, I will happily play for you the message Nev left me.
What’s interesting about my brush with Catfish is that the trail Nev and Max were following that led them to me ended when I declined to be involved. So, they clearly had to go about things from another angle. It just makes me wonder how often they’re able to find a Catfish fairly easily, but then have to start over with a different method because someone doesn’t want to be on the show. I have to believe that happens a lot.
Last night we were presented with Lucille who admirably did not crack a smile the entire episode. Lucille is justifiably pissed because a few months before, she was swindled by a music producer named Kidd Cole. Kidd Cole told her he was signed with Kanye West’s label, G.O.O.D. Music (lololololol) so Lucille helped arrange security and transportation for an event he was attending with the hopes of being hired full time by G.O.O.D. Music. That obviously didn’t happen and Kidd Cole bounced without paying for anything. When they finally met, Kidd Cole was incredibly calm about everything, like, serial killer calm, and all Lucille really got to do was yell at him for a few minutes while he thought about what he wanted for lunch. Despite the lack of suspense, this episode managed to be one of the thoroughly entertaining, in my opinion, due to the lunacy of all those involved.
Commit to your lies
Kidd Cole is a Grade A asshat but I’ll be damned if homebody didn’t chain himself to the load of bullshit he was flinging. Do they give out a Twitter DJ handbook? Because Kidd Cole has aaalll the lines down from, “I’m working on a few projects right now,” to “I’ll be in the studio later.” Negro, please.
His most brilliant performance came when he started name dropping all the artists he claimed to be working with
in his sad little dreams. Oh, you know, just Wale and “THE RZA FROM WU TANG.” And he said this all with a completely straight face. Robert De Niro was taking notes.
You’d think he would have just let his lies rest for a moment, but he kept up the most transparent charade of all time by inviting Nev, Max and Lucille to “the studio” to watch him work. “The studio” turned out to be the basement of his friend’s parents house. The same friend who wasn’t nearly as good of a liar as Kidd Cole and eventually confessed to the whole hot mess of a scheme.
What was particularly impressive about Kidd Cole was that he never copped to anything. He didn’t even do a follow-up interview. Like, he’s seriously sitting somewhere thinking that he totally convinced the world he’s Kanye West’s next protege. Kidd Cole’s delusion sort of like doing heroin: I’d kind of like to know what it’s like, but I’m worried I’d never be able to stop and it would eventually kill me.
Nev is officially the Hulk
YOOOOOO Nev chucking Kidd Cole’s phone into that body of water like a straight asshole might be the funniest moment in the history of Catfish. I am lo-ving Nev’s attitude this season. His inability to control his anger has made him 4x more entertaining than he used to be. This is now the second time this season that the show’s producers have had to pull Nev by the ear and give him a verbal spanking.
Nev has gotten Gucci Mane reckless up in here and we have the constant presence of cameras and the veil of celebrity to thank for it. Those of us who have to protect ourselves and know we’re not invincible would calmly try to defuse these conflicts. But Nev’s got a hit television show and a whole crew of people around him–what could go wrong? Well, as the ever-wise Melissa Beck pointed out, a lot:
Nev and Max are not actually real detectives
Do they know this? I don’t think they know this. Look, I’m not a lawyer, but I feel like some professionals should have gotten involved with all this. Kidd Cole indirectly stole THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS from people–not Lucille, mind you, but she could have easily been liable for his shit. I’m just saying that maybe we’ve given these two a bit too much rope to play with.
Don’t give career advice unless you have a career
Overall, Lucille seemed like a perfectly decent person…aside from the fact that she didn’t find the “Kidd Cole Scam” Facebook page before deciding to do business with him. And the fact that she later gave Kidd Cole a legit lecture on how to make it in the music business.
“If you’re trying to make a name for yourself this isn’t how you do it.” Same goes for you too, girl!
“The main thing is you have to do the work, you can’t just get it overnight like that,” said the woman who thought a major record label would give her a $70,000 a year position after arranging a few limos and a show-and-tell at a local high school.
As a rule, if you’ve been Catfished, you should probably go easy on the advice-giving when it comes to realistic expectations.