Seeing as the core viewership of Catfish has got to be under the age of 25, I would love to know to how many of them, a chatline was a completely foreign concept. I have to believe that 60% of last night’s viewers had no idea.
We became acquainted with Carmen and her cousin Antwane, who Carmen believed was getting catfished by a man named Tony. Antwane and Tony “met” through a singles chatline and developed a relationship. However, Antwane has never seen a picture of him and because Tony only calls from a private number, Antwane always has to wait for Tony to get in touch with him.
Turns out that Carmen pretended to be Tony for THREE YEARS in order to get back at Antwane for calling her “a fat ass Kelly Price,” which honestly, could be taken as a sort of compliment. You might be thinking, “wow, that is incredibly petty.” It is and so are we all.
Nev and Max have become ghost hunters
I know it’s a stupid thing to ask, but why would they even take on a case like this? If this had been “real,” in what scenario would they have found Tony? Would they have found him by knocking on the door of every Tony/Anthony Thomas in the Cincinnati area? In Atlanta since that’s where he said he was from? Were they going to shimmy over to a minimum security prison and inquire about all inmates named Tony Thomas? Do prisons even let you visit random inmates? WHAT I’M SAYING IS THIS DOESN’T SEEM VERY WELL THOUGHT-OUT. Or, they knew ahead of time that it was bullshit and proceeded anyway. One of the funniest parts of the episode was how indigent Max got about being tricked by Carmen, which is quite easy to call bullshit on:
Ok Max like you have anything better to do with your time. Calm down. #catfish—
P.S. I Ate This (@SkinnyGirlFiles) May 15, 2014
Right? You get paid to point a digital camera at your friend while he Googles shit and flies strangers around to the country to meet total strangers that they’ve fallen in love with. I wouldn’t even call this an occupational hazard, it’s just YOUR JOB.
Nev wants to get shot
Nev was rolling up to random ass apartments, abandoned houses and properties with “no trespassing” signs in a city he isn’t from with an awful caviler attitude while Antwane and Carmen stood three feet back and side-eyed him. Antwane even said something like: “I’m not going up there, those people might might have a gun.” Antwane ain’t no fool (in this particular situation). This is the second time in two episodes that they’ve shown up at someone’s home uninvited. All I’m saying is, Nev, I wouldn’t be expecting Max to take a bullet for you, bruh.
We’re only getting farm-raised catfish
Those magical, somewhat genuine, organic catfishes are a thing of the past. Before, we used see semi-delusional, lonely people on both sides, and now we’re just watching one semi-delusional, lonely person be tricked by someone who knows exactly what they’re doing.
Along the lines of the catfish in the previous episode, Carmen admitted that she put this charade in motion for revenge–aka simply because she could. Basically, we’re going to end up with a bunch of cases where people are catfishing their family and friends for attention. And Max basically admitted as much in a recent interview with NY Magazine.
Now, this isn’t all together terrible because we’ll end up with a lot more, “wow, this person is a huge asshole,” moments and we’ll get to see Nev get angry which is always a special kind of treat. However, it makes for a really lame reveal which was always, always the best part.
No one understands what fame is
After intentionally saying that she catfished Antwane for revenge after he called her “a fat ass Kelly Price,” Carmen later admitted that she also did it because she wanted to be on television.
Those who care more than I have written extensively about the millennial generation and our obsession with fame and infamy, which yes, has its issues. But my feeling is, if you want to be famous that badly GO FOR IT. Like, balls-to-the-wall-sacrifice-your-dignity-Kim-Kardashian-style. (I’m talking more about her show and the general way she conducts her life than her sex tape btw.) If anything, I’m disappointed in Carmen for thinking that Catfish was going to bring her anything other than a Chatfish appearance and a couple thousand twitter followers, MAX.
Know this: Catfish ain’t the place to get famous, my friends. Carmen should’ve looked into a Bad Girls Club casting or a VH1 dating show if that’s the road she was looking to go down. Damn, one good viral Vine video would have done it better than this. All I’m saying is, gun to my head, I couldn’t name a single person who’s appeared on Catfish other than Framel DA GAWD.