We’re close to a week away from 2014 Winter Olympic games in Sochi, Russia and I couldn’t possibly be less interested. I don’t like the Winter Olympics in general, and the fact that they’re in Sochi this year doesn’t help. The Winter Olympics are very meehhhh at best and at worst, well…
The Winter Olympics are almost exclusively for well-off white people
Which would be fine, I guess, if this wasn’t billed as a global event–one that aims to bring the entire world together under thrilling competition and human interest stories that tug at the heart. For one, winter sports are boring. Curling? Alpine skiing? I’m not buying it. Two, most people on Earth are neither white nor rich so in almost no way does the Winter Olympics represent the world. I guess my biggest issue is that we continue to pair the Summer and Winter Olympics as if they’re at all comparable. Just look:
Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics
Nations participating: 88
Athletes: 2,500 (about)
Events: 98 in 7 sports
London 2012 Summer Olympics
Nations participating: 204
Events: 302 in 26 sports
PUH-LEEZ. The Winter Olympics are a two week-long commercial for privilege. They’re for those who are privileged enough to have access to a cold climate at some point during the year–although that’s hardly a privilege in my mind–essentially cancelling out most of South America, the Caribbean, (YES I KNOW ABOUT THE JAMAICAN BOBSLED TEAM BUT COOL, IT’S ONE SPORT AND IT ONLY HAPPENED A HANDFUL OF TIMES CHILLAX) Africa, Southeast Asia and much of the Middle East.
Winter Olympic sports also require a lot of resources versus sports like track and field, soccer, basketball and volleyball. You really just need a pair of shoes and ball to have a chance at any of those events. How could anyone learn to snowboard without expensive equipment, a damn snowy mountain and, oh yeah, a pass to that mountain? Privilege.
They’re in Russia
Personally, I have never been to Russia and I have absolutely no interest in ever going. I’m sure it’s fiiiine if you’re into a frozen tundra of repression and borscht, but no thanks for me. However, the real problem with the Winter Olympics being in Sochi is that it is mad unsafe. They’ve already had one bombing in Volgograd which, while not near Sochi, is a travel hub for the country. And now security experts are saying that terror attacks during the games are “very likely” and that its not a matter of if, but when. I truly hope everyone stays safe but GOOD LORD. You couldn’t pay me to be there.
Oh yeah, and their President basically called gay people pedophiles. So yeah, I’ll pass.
Lolo Jones will be there
Ughhh Lolo Jones. Yes, I know she was at the Summer Olympics too but her being at Sochi, in this particular capacity, is my main point of contention. I’ve previously expressed my aversion for this young woman but honestly, I’m always up for a reminder. Lolo Jones is obnoxious, yes, but this whole Winter Olympian trope is a new level of desperation. At some point, after NEVER WINNING AN OLYMPIC MEDAL at the summer games, Lolo Jones realized that a track and field medal ain’t never gonna happen for her. So she decides to take up a sport she’s never participated in because it kinda sorta uses a similar set of skills that she already has. Oh, ok.
On one hand, this would be pretty darn clever if it wasn’t so transparent. I mean, yeah, Olympic medals are cool, but aren’t they also cool because they represent hard work and dedication to a sport or event that you love? Like, how much of a passion could Lolo Jones really have developed for bobsledding?
The uniforms are fugtrocious
Apparently no one knows how to dress a human being properly for a cold weather environment. In London, our Summer Olympic athletes got to wear these uniforms:
Are they incredible? Nah. But they’re fairly tasteful and they do the trick. In Sochi, we’ll be sending them out in this:
Sweaters made from the scraps of a very patriotic yarn factory. And it’s not just the United States athletes who will be rolling up looking a hot mess. Germany will be dressed like so:
While the Russian female athletes will be looking like Mrs. Claus dressed up for a night on the town:
And the poor Olympic volunteers will have to run around looking like patchwork quilts:
No sure why it was so difficult to leave these people with a modicum of dignity
COUNT ME OUT FOR SOCHI 2014 AND BEYOND.